My girlfriend and I were discussing the familiar playground taunt, "Liar, liar, pants on fire." Apparently, she used to conclude this with "Stick your head in doo-doo." I can't remember how we used to wrap up this clever rhyme in my New Jersey elementary school days, but I can assure you it wasn't like that. Possibly something about hanging oneself with a telephone wire, which, frankly, is quite disturbing. In my attempt to recollect the proper termination of the quip, all I can think of are ridiculously high-brow phrases no child would ever understand, let alone utter. So, here they are:
Liar, liar, pants on fire
Immolate yourself upon the funeral pyre.
Liar, liar, pants on fire
Rebel against the corrupt Bush empire.
Liar, liar, pants on fire
Your base antics fill me with ire.
Liar, liar, pants on fire
Tales of your dishonesty will be intonated by a satanic choir.
And while we're at it:
Made you look, made you look
Stole your mother's pocketbook
Turned it in, turned it out,
Turned it into a symbol for man's cruelty to man.
Trick or treat, smell our feet
Give us something good to eat
If you don't, we don't care
We will ultimately get our revenge when you suffer the agony of watching us poor street urchins starving to death on your lawn, knowing all the while you could have done something to prevent this awful tragedy.
How about:
I'm rubber, you're glue,
Chuck's pharmaceuticals and is making a killing.
Rain, rain, go away,
Some snow showers mixing with sleet possible throughout the day, high of 39, low near 35, winds SSE at 5-10 miles and hour.
It suddenly occurred to me that I had never actually utilized the greatest non-scientific research tool known to man (Google) to solve the original problem. Apparently, at least one recognized version of the controversial taunt is:
"Liar, liar, pants on fire, hang them up on telephone wire."
This sounds familiar to me, and a recent "horoscope" in The Onion seems to verify the universal nature:
"Your credibility will suffer when the local news runs footage of your burning pants suspended from telecommunications cables."