November 2004 Archives

My friend Colin has been recommending I read Geoff Nicholson's "The Food Chain" for years. I was on a public library kick when I first attempted to read this and the Austin library system didn't have this book, so I had to settle for "Everything and More" at the time. Anyway, I finally bought the book on Amazon.com.

Interestingly, for the last month I've been reading four books at the same time, which is not something I usually do, but every once in a while I'll end up with multiple novels in hand until one of them sticks. In this case "The Food Chain" won and I put the others aside to concentrate on reading it.

Okay, enough historical information about the saga of reading a book. I think G.N. is a very engaging author, who tackles quirky and bizarre subject matter in such a way that it is enjoyable to read. Though his books are complex I'm able to pour through them very quickly. I didn't love it, but I did like it, and I'd like to read more by him. I thought the ending wasn't predictable, but semi-predictable, in the sense that early on in the book I thought, "This is going to have a surprise ending and that surprise ending is going to be something about such-and-such" and while I was kind of surprised I wasn't very surprised when the ending came. However, this book isn't really about having a surprise ending, it's about being a good, interesting book. My biggest complaint is that this book never seems to rise from clever to brilliant, and you can tell that it's trying oh-so-hard to be brilliant. But there's nothing wrong with clever. Plus, I'll forgive a book many flaws if it is a) enjoyable and b) intelligent, and this was both of those things.

After 7 months I've finally been tracked down by the comment spam bots. I used to have a nifty spam blocker MT-Blacklist that did an amazing job, but I haven't gotten it to work since switching to my Windows server. In the meantime I have turned on comment approval, which means that all comments will need to be approved by me before they appear on the site.

Note: Any comments about how Windows servers suck and that's why I couldn't get MT-Blacklist to work will NOT be approved.

When listening to voice mail if I am sitting in front of my computer I will open up "Notepad" and write down notes about who left me messages so I can call everyone back. Today it seemed that I was missing phone calls and getting messages each time I stepped out of my office. I kept coming back to my desk, opening up a new file in Notepad, listening to the message and jotting down the phone number, then calling the person back. After deleting the fourth notepad file I felt a momentary pang of guilt for wasting so much paper.

The end.

I'll be spending Thanksgiving with my girlfriend's family. I've been warned that her aunt is planning on asking me why the two of us aren't married yet. It's definitely one of those questions that has no correct answer, so instead I've been coming up with what NOT to say.

"Sure, it's been a year and a half, but I like to think of this more like an extended fling."

"Yes, we love each other, but, to be honest, I can't stand her family."

"The milk's free."

"Didn't she tell you? We eloped last month."

"We're waiting to see if the baby is white."

"Because... because I'm in love with you."

"My wife wouldn't approve."

"My male lover wouldn't approve."

"I'm looking for someone with bigger boobs."

"While we're very happy together and do, um, love each other, we're kinda at a stage in our lives when the future is still, you know, being determined, I guess. She's applying to, um, graduate school, my current job will be involving, uh, more travel and, maybe, a possible relocation or something. While this doesn't mean we don't, like, want to be together and, you know, stuff, it does mean we, uh, want to wait and see, uh, where, um... OH MY GOD LOOK OVER THERE!!! WHAT IS THAT? SERIOUSLY, LOOK OVER THERE!!!!" [run away]

In today's teen-scene, instant messaging has evolved its own shorthand, a set of abbreviations meant to inspire, amuse, and titillate. Instant messaging has also invaded the corporate world, aiding workplace discussions and providing a more efficient means of employee cooperation. But along with this communication facilitation it brings a host of internet-age etiquette issues. Some clever abbreviations used in a social setting are not appropriate for a more professional environment. To help smooth this technology transition, MixedMetaphors.net brings you...

Workplace-Ready Instant Message Abbreviations

FYI: For Your Information

IMO: In My Opinion

INALB: I'm Not A Lawyer But

IALA: I'm A Lawyer And

IALAA: I'm A Legal Aide And

TGICF: Thank Goodness It's Casual Friday

BOS: Boss Over Shoulder

BTS: Boss Touching Shoulder

BEIEAOSH: Boss Engaged In Egregious Act Of Sexual Harassment

LTASM: Let's Take A Smoking Break

ITTQ: I'm Trying To Quit

YAQ: You're A Quitter

DYGMBP: Did You Get My Budget Proposal?

ROTFLAYBP: Rolling On The Floor Laughing At Your Budget Proposal

SINTBAOICDMJ: Seriously, I Need That Budget Approved Or I Can't Do My Job

CTMO: Come To My Office

CWJDTOIM: Can't We Just Do This Over Instant Messenger?

NO: No.

IWFH: I'm Working From Home

YF: You're Fired!

YCFMIQ: You Can't Fire Me I Quit!

YCQBYF: You Can't Quit You're Fired!

FITS: Fine, I'll Take Severance

INHAMS: I'm Not Here Ask My Secretary

TPTIEA: The Proper Term Is Executive Assistant

DYSJATOCPDSWTWAMOWBFAP: Did You See Jane At The Office Christmas Party? Dude, She Was Totally Wasted And Made Out With Bob From Accounts Payable!

MCIWAICTHDBTPMOHFTHSIGUAWHTGYTRT: My Computer Isn't Working And I Called The Help Desk But They Put Me On Hold For Three Hours So I Gave Up And Will Have To Give You The Report Tomorrow.

IYCIWHDYSMTIM: If Your Computer Isn't Working How Did You Send Me That Instant Message?

UXZSIXBZCF: Ummm.... Xxyzyxy Zyxyxxxx Something Is Xyzyxy... Broken... Zzyyzxxxx Computer Failing...

YF: (See Above)

WHOHW: Working Hard Or Hardly Working?

HHHS: Ha ha ha. Schmuck.

My brother suggested I read Steinbeck's "Cannery Row" and so I did. I approached it with some skepticism, being that my previous Steinbeck experiences weren't that great, though, admittedly, I haven't read any since high school. In any case, my concerns were baseless, as "Cannery Row" was not the monolithic tome I feared, but rather, a short, unplotted, loosely connected grouping of character studies that read quite easily. There really is no story line, just some brief glimpses into the lives of various bums, shop owners, prostitutes, artists, and a scientist who prepares sea creatures for research. I enjoyed reading it, and it does paint a very interesting portrait of a specific place and time, but I don't feel I got as much out of it as I am supposed to get out of it. If you want to get your Steinbeck on, but don't want to sit through through 600 pages of dense, symbolic material this is the way to go.

That's my shirt pocket.