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June 2004 Archives
After repeated requests from people with too much time on their hands, I have decided to add a MixedMetaphors guestbook. Please leave a message if you are so inclined. Or, please do not leave a message if you are not so inclined, in which case this guestbook will remain a barren maroon screen, an empty page booking nothing but my lack of guests. Oh, pity me my empty guestbook! Pity me!
Breakfast tacos: the ideal combination of tacos and breakfast. Personally, I go for a standard base of eggs, cheese, and potatoes, with the addition of black beans if I'm in a "bean" mood as well as some bacon if I'm feeling like provoking the traif-hating wrath of the kosher Yahweh.
Some of you may be wondering where to go to get good breakfast tacos in Austin. Well, I'll tell you, in order of preference:
1. Taco Xpress @ 2529 S Lamar Blvd - The best place for breakfast tacos IN THE WORLD. I could write a whole post about Taco Xpress... in fact, I could write a whole post simply about the giant statue of Loca Maria that rises above the Taco Xpress building, but for now I'll simply say that they taught me the secret to great breakfast tacos, which is soft, over-grilled potatoes cooked directly with the eggs. Yum.
2. Juan in a Million @ 2300 E Cesar Chavez St - The "Don Juan El Taco Grande" is one giant breakfast taco for $2.75 that is more than I can eat. Also, Juan is always there, smiling at everyone, and he shakes your hand when you enter.
3. Kerbey Lane Cafe @ 2700 S Lamar Blvd - For some reason, the South Kerbey Lane has significantly better breakfast tacos than the other Kerbey locations, perhaps because they have to compete with the nearby Taco Xpress. There's no reason to choose Kerbey Lane breakfast tacos over Taco Xpress unless you have a 1 AM hankering for eggs and tortillas, in which case, Kerbey Lane South is definitely the place for you.
4. Z'Tejas Grill @ 1110 W Sixth St - If you're stuck eating with someone who forces you to visit a more traditional restaurant, Z'Tejas can meet their boring culinary needs while still providing a decent breakfast taco. There's usually a long wait during weekend brunch times, but, on the plus side, they have mimosas!
I don't feel like listing any more breakfast taco locations because I'm not sure whether this post is intended to be poking fun at restaurant reviews or an actual restaurant review or both, and if I end up listing twenty different breakfast taco locations, it will definitively become a restaurant review, and I prefer to keep things ambiguous. If there is one thing this site isn't, it's definitive. Plus, I can't think of any more good breakfast taco locations at the moment. I'm sure there are many, many other breakfast taco locations, and I'm sure you have very strong opinions about how they have better breakfast tacos than those listed above. Since I'm always on the lookout for good breakfast tacos, go ahead and add your comments, but, just remember, Taco Xpress has THE BEST BREAKFAST TACOS IN THE WORLD and if you say otherwise you are wrong.
Coming up next will be decent NJ style pizza places in Austin: Saccones @ 13812 N Hwy 183 and Aljon's @ 1945 E Oltorf St. Oh, wait, that was the entire list. After going to literally hundreds of pizza places in Austin, those are the only two worth mentioning. And, yes, I mean literally hundreds. HUNDREDS! And if anyone tries to tell me that Roppolo's is good pizza than that person is either (a) drunk, (b) lying, or (d) someone who has never been to New Jersey.
I just got notification of my impending ten-year high school reunion and I'm not sure how I feel about it. Will I make the laborious cross-country trek to reunite to attend? Probably. Do I want to? Eh. I guess so. But it brings up a difficult question: Am I now suitably impressive enough such that I will seem cooler than I did in high school, and, more importantly, more successful than everyone else? Because, really, if the answer is "no" then why would I bother going?
Don't judge me. You know that you'll be wondering the same thing when your high school reunion comes around. (Or, if you've already had it, you were thinking it. Admit it. ADMIT IT!)
In other news, a loyal site reader requested that I post something about breakfast tacos. So, in keeping with a theme, instead I will post something about posting something about breakfast tacos. Actually, no, I won't, because that theme is starting to bore me. Except it's too late, because I already did it. Oh well. In order to break up the monotony, my next post will actually be about breakfast tacos.
Infrastructure Expert A: What we need is a Point Person to provide proper communication procedures.
Infrastructure Expert B: Yes. Currently our communication has been both inconsistent and chaotic. A Point Person from the Metadata Team would solve this problem.
Infrastructure Expert A: We need to define a single Metadata Point Person, understand that Point Person's responsibilities, and then have this single Point Person attends every 8:15 AM status review meeting.
Metadata Expert A: Has the Metadata Team communication been inadequate up to this point?
Infrastructure Expert A: The Metadata Team communication has been inconsistent.
Metadata Expert B: I believe that I serve as the Point Person.
Metadata Expert A: I too serve as the Point.
Metadata Expert B: We both serve as the Point.
Infrastructure Expert B: We can't have two Points! That defeats the point of a Point.
Metadata Expert A: What hasn't been communicated that would have been communicated with a Point?
Infrastructure Expert A: The Infrastructure Upgrade need was communicated to the perceived Point, yet lower level Metadata Experts didn't know about it.
Metadata Expert B: The Infrastructure Upgrade needs were only communicated once, and inconsistently, and never officially.
Infrastructure Expert B: Even with a Point, what is the Point's responsibilities vs. the Infrastructure Team's responsibilities?
Metadata Expert A: I think it sounds like we also need a Point.
Infrastructure Expert B: Would it be the Infrastructure Team's responsibility to communicate things like the Infrastructure Upgrade to the Point and than the Point would communicate this Metadata Upgrade to the lower level Metadata Experts? Or would it remain the Infrastructure Team's responsibility to communicate the Infrastructure Upgrade to all Metadata Team experts?
Metadata Expert A: Yes, the Metadata Team requires that the Infrastructure Team provides a Point for the Metadata Team's Point.
Infrastructure Expert A: Our Point will be assigned and available on every 8:15 AM status review meeting to meet and discuss with your Point. Our Point will then relay important information to the respective team experts.
Metadata Expert B: It will remain the responsibility of your Point to forward information to lower level team experts after initial communication has been achieved with our Point.
Infrastructure Expert A: Agreed.
Infrastructure Expert B: Wait. What's the point of the Point if our Point is responsible for both communicating with your Point and then still has to notify all the other lower level team experts.
Metadata Expert A: Your Point is provided a single communication initiation Point.
Infrastructure Expert B: The whole point is to avoid multiple lines of communication. Your point should control this to minimize necessary inter-team notifications.
Metadata Expert B: Our Point facilitates, if not minimizes.
Infrastructure Expert A: The point is that there is one Point. As long as we have one Point, then communication will be easier, even if there are multiple notifications.
Infrastructure Expert B: Then there might as well not be a Point. If I, as our Point, need to notify everybody, then why do I need their Point? Their Point simply adds an additional notification step.
Metadata Expert B: You're confusing notification with communication.
Infrastructure Expert B: They're the same thing.
Metadata Expert B: They're completely different. You communicate a concept. You notify someone of a fact.
Infrastructure Expert B: But you need to communicate a notification of a fact.
Metadata Expert A: You mean you have to notify someone of a communication of a concept.
Infrastructure Expert B: I don't want to be notifying everybody of everything!
Infrastructure Expert A: Perhaps we need a Notification Point in addition to a Communication Point.
Metadata Expert A: Exactly! Your Communication Point will communicate to our Communication Point who will Notify our Notification Point who will Notify the lower-level Experts of the notification of communication!
Infrastructure Expert A: And vice versa, of course.
Metadata Expert A: Of course!
Metadata Expert B: Of course!
Metadata Expert A: Of course!
Infrastructure Expert B: [Sigh.] Of course.
THE END
Superman
1) Get up
2) Brush teeth
3) Fight crime
4) Have cape tailored
5) Save Lois from bad guys... again.
6) Attend "Living With Kryptonite" Group Therapy Session
Batman
1) Sleep late
2) Mourn tragedy of parents' death
3) Skulk around mansion obsessively until nightfall
4) Fight crime
Hulk
1) Research biogenetic reversal techniques in drosophilae swarms, attempting to plot statistically significant trends for application in human specimens.
2) Hulk Smash!
Dare Devil
1) Get up
2) Brush teeth
3) Pick up dry cleaning
3) Fire agent
Spider Man
1) Get up
2) Brush teeth
3) Clean "web stains" off sheets
4) Stare longingly at Mary Jane's picture
5) Fight crime
6) See doctor about rash
I am now officially fascinated with Zigster. According to the Oncor Group's safety FAQ, Zigster "is TXU Electric Delivery's safety mascot for children. Zigster is shaped like a bolt of electricity, and his message in TV ads directed to elementary school children is 'Be safe around electricity.' Zigster's design and name grew out of research with elementary school children."
Have you seen this guy:
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In the commercial, he's a muscle-bound rapping lightning bolt who proclaims "Be alert! Don't get hurt!" It looks like the sort of child-aimed propoganda they used in the eighties. Kids don't buy into this sort of schlock advertising any more, do they? I mean, I LOVE the Zigster, but that's because I have an over-developed ironic fondness for campy dated nonsensical ballyhoo. Do third graders share my appreciation, and, more importantly, was that what TXU Electric Delivery was targetting? Seriously, if I were a kid, I'd run right out and play with power lines after seeing this commercial simply to spite adults for thinking that Zigster would actually appeal to me on any level.
As my girlfriend says, "Don't adults know that no respectable rapper would add a '-ster' at the end of their name? The 'Snoopster' just doesn't sound like a badass."
Sometimes I like to type random words of interest into my browser address bar. Often this has disastrous (i.e. pornographic) results, but sometimes it produces something even better.
Check out www.absurd.org, created by the artist Nasosov. It definitely lives up to its URL.
As this is a website (nominally, at least) about mixed metaphors, I've decided to do a little metaphor analysis. (Not about mixing, I admit, but take what you can get.)
I've noticed some over-usage of the phrase:
"the rest, as they say, is history."
Which is, of course, referring to the original phrase:
"the rest is history."
But the former phrase is used so much, it seems like it's overtaken the latter. So, really what "they" say has changed, and perhaps we should now be saying:
"as they say, the rest, as they say, is history."
But, if everyone started saying that, we can all see where it would lead.
I decided to do a little research.
According to Google searches:
- 135,000 websites contain the phrase "the rest is history".
- 39,000 websites contain the phrase "the rest, as they say, is history".
- 5850 websites contain the phrase "as they say, the rest is history".
- And, just because I was suspicious, there are actually 45,600 websites that contain the phrase "the rest, as they say, is" without that final "history". (The increase in number accounts for websites that use variants such as "Canadian History" or "etymological history" or, in one odd case, "happy bunny history".
The point of all this is that, at least by website usage statistics on June 10, 2004, more people are using the original phrase "the rest is history" than the adjusted phrase "the rest, as they say, is history". So, it would be incorrect to say: "As they say, the rest, as they say, is history." You would, however, be correct to say, "As 27.6% of them say, the rest, as they say, is history."
Unless you are me, you should not be getting any enjoyment from this site. Let me be clear about what I DON'T mean: I'm not trying to tell you that this site is written for my own personal enjoyment and not intended to amuse anyone other than myself, and that, therefore, any enjoyment or amusement you get from this site is purely unintentional. No. What I'm saying is that YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO ENJOY THIS SITE. You shouldn't even be reading it. Not only am I not trying to amuse anyone, I explicitly don't want to amuse anyone, and, in fact, am trying to avoid amusing anyone. It's not that I "dislike" or "despise" you, the reader, or that I think you are "dumb" and "lack the intellectual capability of understanding the nuanced humor and wit displayed on this site". Rather, it's that I am a horrifically scarred misanthrope who lives underneath the ground in a dark cave. No, not really. Actually, it's that I "dislike" and "despise" you, the reader, and that I think you are "dumb" and "lack the intellectual capability of understanding the nuanced humor and wit displayed on this site".
Hmmm... I'm getting sort of bored of berating you, the site reader. I think I have dedicated enough posts to mocking people who waste their precious time reading this ridiculous blog, and it's time to move on to more important things. Such as why the word "their" is spelled "their" instead of "thier". Really, I've never quite understood that. Perhaps this is because, according to Dictionary.com, "their" is not actually an English pronoun, but rather, it comes from the Old Norse pronouns their, theira, theim, which worked their way south from the Danelaw, the region governed by the Old Norse-speaking invaders of England.
It's my father's birthday tomorrow. Unfortunately, due to a mix up in planning, he won't be getting any card or gift, though hopefully a phone call to wish him well will suffice. Fortunately Father's Day is right around the corner so I have a second chance to lavish him with celebratory merchandise. Probably golf-related. My mom suggested buying him a new electric toothbrush, but for some reason an electric toothbrush just doesn't seem to send the appropriate "Happy Birthday" message. In the end both my parents assure me that all they really want is a phone call. My parents are like that sometimes... surprisingly happy with simple recognition. Unfortunately, the limitations of space and time prevent me from giving my parents the infinite amounts of recognition they deserve.
* * *
Last time I visited home my father informed me that he was retiring and then left me to mull over the philosophical implication of this news. As I began to ponder the inevitability of the aging process, my mom shouted from across the house (apparently she can still hear all conversations within a 2 mile radius) that he was not telling me the whole story. The whole story, apparently, is that my father is taking an early retirement so that he can go work for an outside firm and serve as a consultant doing the exact same job for the same people as before, just for more money, plus now he'd be getting his pension as well. So, it turns out my father's not getting old, he's just getting more wily. Which is a good thing. Because (and let me make this clear) my parents aren't allowed to get old.
Anyway, happy birthday to my dad. I'll be calling tomorrow. It's the best present I have to give.
I've noticed that I keep referring to my girlfriend as "my girlfriend" as opposed to by her real name. In fact, I refer to everyone in this blog in generic terms (a "friend" said this, or a "friend" did that, and so forth). I suppose because this blog is a public medium I am trying to protect the anonymity of people who have not given explicit permission to be named. It's sort of unnecessary, since anyone who actually takes the time to read this stupid blog probably knows everybody I'm talking about personally, but, well, it's a matter of ethics. The one exception is that I do name people, such as Sidey.com 2.0, who have their own websites. This is definitely consistent. Since Sidey.com 2.0 has created his own public blog site, he's implicitly given up the right to privacy and therefore I can name him all I want. In his case, I refer to him as Sidey.com 2.0 instead of by his real name because that is the name by which he's chosen to identify his website.
BRIEF TANGENT: Why Sidey.com 2.0 and not just Sidey.com? Why the "2.0"? Were there really that many loyal readers of the 1.0 version of your site that you have to permanently label your site as "2.0" after a minor upgrade lest people be confused? Do you think the "2.0" makes you sound cooler? Because it doesn't.
ANOTHER BRIEF TANGENT: For some reason, the second most popular blog topic for me is Sidey-baiting. It amuses me to publicly make fun of Sidey.com, especially considering Sidey.com is one of the few people who reads this site. I don't know why.
Anyway, the point is that my practice of naming only the website-enabled and leaving all other references to "real world" people in generic terms, while ethically valid, sort of beaks the last thread of the fabrication that this blog is intended to be a "journal". Well, maybe it doesn't, maybe that's a natural evolution of the webinated public journal space that blogs have created. Of course, in that case, this entry, like so many other entries, has no point whatsoever. Except to over-meta-analyze. Which is the point not just of this webinated public journal space but also of life itself.
ONE LAST BRIEF TANGENT: I like the phrase "thread of fabrication". Isn't that clever? "Fabrication" has the word "fabric" as a root, so the "thread" metaphor is particularly apt.
So, a friend whose wedding I recently attended asked me if I was going to put his wedding in my blog. The answer: No. Unfortunately, I just don't do that sort of thing here. Though, it is true that I have been going to a lot of weddings lately... Two in May (not to mention one I had to miss because it was on the same day as another wedding and one I skipped because I wasn't able to schedule the cross-country travel), one upcoming in June, two more in August. All in all, that's 7 wedding invitations for this summer, plus some post-summer weddings I haven't included. Considering the bulk of my friends (even after this summer's wedding binge) remain unmarried, and that the bulk of my friends are in their late twenties, it appears that I have friends who either (a) don't believe in marriage, (b) believe in late marriage, or, most likely, (c) are quite unattractive and repellant to the opposite sex. No, I'm just kidding about (c). Except in one instance, and he knows who he is. No, I'm still just kidding.
My point is that my girlfriend, of course, has been attending (or will be attending) these weddings with me. And as she and I are approaching our 11-month anniversary, I feel that all these weddings are setting a bad precedent. So, to all you people out there I say: STOP GETTING MARRIED.
Interestingly enough, I am attending a bachelor party in Las Vegas the weekend of my one-year anniversary with my girlfriend. She's not happy about this. Not sure what this has to do with anything... Hopefully it won't mean that our one-year anniversary also becomes the anniversary of the day she stopped speaking to me forever...
I have come to realize that this blog's primary purpose is not just meta-blogging, it is, in fact, more specific and more complex than that. It's about meta-meta-blogging. This blog is about the continual self-conscious scrutinization of itself, the second-guessing of all posts, which, of course, by extension, includes third and fourth-guessing of the posts that were merely involved in second and third-guessing (respectively). So, let's be clear, this isn't just blogging about blogging about blogging, it's questioning blogging, it's questioning the questioning of blogging, and it's questioning the questioning the questioning of blogging. But, no, it's not about questioning the questioning the questioning the questioning of blogging, because that would be silly. And redundant. It would be redundant not just because the word "questioning" is repeated four times, which, in itself is redundant, but because it really just means the same thing as "questioning the questioning of blogging." Really. "Questioning the questioning" is still "questioning", right? Simple mathematical replacement would show you that "questioning the questioning the questioning the questioning of blogging" is the same thing as "questioning the questioning the questioning of blogging" which is the same thing as "questioning the questioning of blogging" which is the same thing as "questioning of blogging." Hmm... Which means, actually, that all of those are redundant, and that this blog, despite what I just said, actually is only about the questioning of blogging after all. I seem to have questioned myself into a corner.
Woah. I just had one of those moments where a written word (in this case, "questioning") suddenly ceases to look like a real word and becomes an abstract amalgamation of meaningless letters. You know what I'm talking about? It definitely makes one stop and think. Specifically, it makes one stop and think about how this post has gone completely out of control and needs to end now.
Hmmm... I'm not really sure why I decided to write that last blog posting. I suppose that I feel that the move title "The Day After Tomorrow" is somewhat ambiguous and doesn't quite convey anything. "The Day After Tomorrow" could also be stated as "Two Days From Now" but I suppose that doesn't have the same ring. Somehow this turned into a merging of "The Day After Tomorrow" with other movie titles utilizing the word "day". Really, the post was a complex deconstruction of the media, human nature, and how we attempt to rectify our violent past with an omnibenevolent supreme being. If you didn't get that, then I'm afraid you weren't paying close enough attention.
Really, I was just excited about posting my first June blog entry, as now the "Archives" section on the sidebar says both May AND June. How nifty. It's like watching the odometer roll over from 999999 to 000000. Actually, I suppose it's more like watching the odomoter roll over from 99 to 100, but, well, it's still fun. If you don't take immense joy from watching odometers roll over, then I pity you.
The Independence Day After Tomorrow: Aliens use advanced technology to create a freak ice age.
28 Days After Tomorrow: Four weeks (plus one day) after a mysterious, incurable virus spreads throughout the UK, a handful of survivors try to find sanctuary from ice zombies during a freak ice age!
The Day After Tomorrow of The Dead: More ice zombies. But bloodier. And with less intellectual statement about the human condition. Plus, not set in London.
The Independence Day After Tomorrow of The Dead: Will Smith fights a giant Ice Zombie, eventually saving the world when he cleverly infects the Ice Zombie with a virus, potentially the bird flu.
The Groundhog Day After Tomorrow: A freak snowstorm in Puxatawni gets really out of hand. Bill Murray, reporter, freezes to death. Repeatedly. It's hysterical.
The Training Day After Tomorrow: On his first day on the job as a narcotics officer, a rookie cop works with a rogue detective who isn't what he appears... During a freak ice age!
Daddy Day After Tomorrow Care: Two men get laid off and have to become stay-at-home dads when they can't find jobs. This inspires them to open their own day-care center. During a freak ice age!
The Remains of The Day After Tomorrow: A butler who sacrificed body and soul to service during a freak ice age realizes too late how misguided his loyalty has been. Did I mention it's during a freak ice age?
The D-Day After Tomorrow: The invasion of Normandy is waged, despite the lingering threat of a freak ice age.
The Day After The Day After Tomorrow: A climatologist tries to figure out a way to save the world from abrupt global warming. He must get to his young son in New York, which is being taken over by a new ice age. During a freak ice age!
